2012.

That was my last tweet of 2011.

and admittedly, very bittersweet. 

Now, at 2012, I did it. As unbelievable as it sounds, I am top of the world again. Even higher than I have ever achieved. And, this time, I believe that even if I were to fall, I am in the safest hands possible.

Cliche as it sounds, I'm finally home. 

2012 was FUCKINGFANTASTIC.

I can't even start on the comparisons.

Compared to the girl that cried so much in 2011, the girl who swears at everything, the girl who thought she had lost it all. 

It's amazing how 2012 I lived through everyday. 

Smiling and laughing so happily, 

basking in the love that my family and friends are so willing to give me.

Here's the highlight of my 2012.

GRADUATE!

And another one with my chio straight hair and perfect tan. and also zc behind adjusting his robe.

And lastly, one with the epic jumping shot with the best-est friends one can graduate with.

Mathematical science honestly has given me lots to cry for.

 I've never mugged so hard for something that I'm not even remotely interested. 

This course is so thankless and I know if I don't have this group of friends.

 I will not make it. 

So, thank you. zhicheng, sijie, cheryl, tim, fab, kian seng. 

And Clara, next year is your turn. 

And to Dom, Yue En, Ray, we are finally together with you in this working society.

 Cheers to good stay-cation.

 Especially to you Yue En, without your claims, all would be impossible. 

Moral of the story: Stay on this company. 

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Went on a Work And Travel scheme.

 It is my last chance to do something so nonsensical,

 so ridiculous, and yet so adventurous.

 I really wanted a great adventure before I go out to the working world.

 So I signed up this trip on a whim.

 Paid the $100 deposit, and started paying more and more. 

And before I knew it, 

I am on a 16hr flight to NYC.  

First day of NYC, lost my camera.

 I'm normally not a careless person,

 I check and double-checked my belongings almost every minute. 

But, camera mysteriously disappeared. 

Anw, 破财消灾. 

Started out working as a ride operator, managing the lamest ride in the abandoned pier.

 Thank god Peiqi was with me and we went crazy at outlet stores on our off days. 

The Atlantic City

Bought way too many similar stuff. Having a good fashion taste has its downs. 

Oh, and I had the most awesome roomie, Livia 

who squeals at the exact same things. 

Sometimes it's a tad creepy. 

But whatever, Harry Potter (and tattoos) for life.   

and not forgetting our Taitai life at NYC. those were the days.

Later on, we became life guards and met the coolest people. 

Working everyday wearing flops, 

those were indeed the sex. 

But enough of the work, the travel part was too legendary. 

New Jersey, Washington, New York, Niagara Falls, Boston, Miami, Orlando and back to New York.

Visiting the happiest place on Earth. (THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER)

and I caved in and bought the Gryffindor scarf.

"You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart.

Their daring, nerve and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart"

And you know what, I'm gonna let the pictures do all the talking.

Driving on the left side is infinitely challenging. (even for such a pro driver)

Meeting the Obamas (At NYC Madam Tussades) is always cool. 

Livia doing a very sultry secretary and a bimbo me picking up the phone.

And here's Washington.  The US Capital.

And doing fantastic jumpshots at the Miami beach 

just after few hours of watching epic 1 hour

 duration long fireworks during 4th of July. 

And how can we not go to one of 7 wonders of the world.

And the second happiest place on Earth. 

Our own version of U.S.A. (in front of Magic Kingdom, Toy Story)

My tan is too good to not be missed.

And my favorite Winnie with the lengendary clique I hang out with

And lastly going back to NYC with Livia and meeting Haymitch from Hunger Games.

And who can forget my Tiff and Co shot. The best till far.

#audreyhepburn

All these would not be possible without the clique I made in Morey's Piers

Wildwoods suck so bad but you guys made 

Mag House 2 Level 2 so fun.

HARRIS LIM

I guess the biggest reward going on on a whim to USA

 is probably you?

Or maybe not.

NYC was hard to beat. 

those 10 days living the life of a tai tai.

But, you came close.

All those late nights talking/skyping

and then you are finally back to my arms.

though admittedly shorter.

I cannot wait for your graduation

two more years

#letsgo

GENTING

Virgin trip to Genting

LOL

So much fun

the company was amazing

food was cheap

in fact it was FREE!

thanks to our Bao Zi 

where we won 1.5K (RM) each.

#beginnerluck

I know I was horrible to you guys in 2011

and I hope you understand why

nonetheless, thank you for being there

be it my graduation

or my birthday

where I was degraded to a siambu.

tsk tsk.

And with that,

I look forward to 2013. 

Where I believe it's gonna be even greater.

because I have you all.

PS: Was feeling rather blue yesterday, took a look at my 2012

decided that I'm worth much more.

And to you,

You shouldn't make me feel so lousy about myself

I don't think I did wrong to you. 

And I hope one day you can explain to me

I'm ready to understand.

it's killing me

I'm mad tired after weeks and weeks of work, 

so I want to relax.

especially in weekdays.

I'm honestly fine 

with slacking at your house (room) for the weekends, 

just hugging biscuit face and sniffing you.

 And then we will have all these long talks 

and nonsense exciting scenarios. 

(yes there's a script, too bad) 

I feel happy to be in your arms.

 I really do.

 And then when you kiss my forehead 

my life is complete. 

but that's for weekends.

 that's for days when nobody asked me out to play. 

when ppl eventually do. 

i wanna go out.

 I wanna meet them 

and I want you to meet them too.

I want to go to them and say

this is Harris!

so then they will go

"oh so this is the guy that yiqi has been ranting on"

"wa he so tall yiqi's pattern no change sia"

"what's up with his hairstyle???" 

(hey my friends are fashionstas, and no you are not)

but alas you don't like.

baby, you are like hermit crab

an introvert that stays at home everyday.

and are happy about it

you are the ideal husband

i'm dead serious.

committed to me

earns big money

filial to parents

love my siblings

stay at home = thrifty

if i'm 28 i will go down on one knee 

and ask for your hand

and skywrite 

"will you marry me?"

(since i'm using ur money already)
might as well
see what's the fuss
andddd...

instagram sure got alot of likes

but now, at age 23

i do not want to marry you

i do want to go out

not everyday mind you.

maybe once in 2 weeks times.

especially in the weekdays

and there's always conflict, you know

you hate going out

you hate spending money, especially mine (understandably)

so what am i supposed to do?

baby

will time fly?

so we wont stuck in this anguishing limbo.

i'm sorry

i dono how to curb my excitement

over all these

i'm a party girl

granted ive toned down quite a lot

but I'm still me

are you willing to accept that?

and you might be wondering

why such a long post?

all because i was scared to tell you

i wanna watch Hotel Transylvania later.

"I always try to make it up to you for whatever I can’t provide. I’ll try my best to do it always. Making a super conscious effort to remember your stuff; committing to memory your friends’ birthdays by repeating them in my head over and over, coming out to meet you whenever you request for me to even when I’m not free, going through your meal rituals in my head before food comes so that I can surprise you by actually ‘remembering’ them. All these just to see you smile. I want you to be happy with me. I want to repay you."

Do you know, reading this freaks me out, 

especially "I want to repay you"

why? why do you want to repay me?

I mean, i'm your gf. not your mum 

(sometimes i do feel like u love me like ur mum, but that's another issue to be dealt next time)

Don't leave me.

Let's be happy together till 2018 

where I ask you for your hand?

Cos Harris Lim, you are too gu niang already. 

I have to be the man. 

A guideline

Things you can joke about,
      (from the top of my head..)

1. time it took for me to take a driving license 
2. my driving skills, though I have no idea why, i'm a professional F1 driver.
3. the long hours I spent on work
4. my honors
5. mathematical science
6. bags and wallets
7. clumsiness
8. grammar errors and wrong pronounciation
9. failure at mental calculation
10. unable to decipher btn left and right, 24 hour clock, rows and columns.

The rest, you simply cannot joke about.

You know my love for you is too much.

Sometimes

i dont even know what i want

from you

and from us.

im equally confused too
just so you know

and i hate this feeling

train of thoughts

So I'm in NUS

writing my essays

while Harris is off for project meeting

I just smsed him I have lost my Internet connection

and his reply was

"eh ttyl k!"

Ouch much?

lucky by a stroke of inspiration

and my much-advanced skills in technology

I've tapped on to my hotspot

so now I can blog.

I'm terribly stoked about my shows

and I have dl-ed it all
2BG, HIMYM, MF, TBBT
I have missed you so.

dying to watch it now actually.

and speaking of Internet and downloads,

finally after so damn long

I've managed to upgrade to fibre broadband

praise the heavens and lords and whatnots

for fast internet speed

NUS Starbucks is pretty awesome actually

there's powerpoint everywhere

*cues in rainbow face*

so now armed with my caramel frappe

and my Macbook Air plus my iPhone

I CAN TAKE ON THE WORLD

#hipster

being here reminds me of my days of mugging at good old SAC

where the lovely 3 spent at least an hour swatting off houseflies

and then buying cheap coffee at vending machines

using the white board and trying to make sense

 of nonsense linear algebra

which i still cannot solve to save my life

those 4 years of my life were a torture

but honestly the friends i've gained make it worthwhile

 i might go back there again

so i can be friends with them

though might is the keyword here
and the chances are terribly slim.

i'm sorry
mathematical science is my arch-enemy.

it's not my fault.
it's who I am.

stuck in a science course

where only nerds and geeks come out to play
(i'm sorry, it's true, don't judge me, judge them instead)

how can i even have the same freq with them?

thankfully, i found a bunch

who understands my mean jokes

my evil intentions

my cynicism

and for that, my loyalty with you will always stand.

you guys know who you are

let's not get mushy by naming you all

or awkward if I've, erm left you out.

as ever, I believe in fate
more so than ever now

going to WAT was probably the best choice

I've made in my university life

I've travelled to the States

and visited the Wizarding World of Harry Potter

#favoriteplaceintheworldnow

it's worth it, to embark on this great adventure alone

because, only then, I will go all out

and what do you know,

I've made amazing friends
and even found someone

who make me realize

how goddamn lucky I am

because now,

I am yours 

and yours only

for the many many years to come.

Okay too mushy

that's a whole hell of 'train of thoughts'

but I needed to rant them out

and I'm getting worried with my job search

i'm hoping like mad

that Unilever accepts my essays

and perhaps I can get in the much-hyped UFLP

#fingerscrossed

I dont think I want to go back to AI

the company is too small

too constricted and frankly the turnover rate is alarming.

however, if all else fails

I hope AI will accept me

and that is/are my thoughts for now

and where is Harris Lim?

oh right, he doesn't want to talk to me

fine. 

you are so gonna suffer my wrath later.

Oh crap.

Oh crap,

I think I have fallen for it again. Just great.  My heart just doesn't listen. It acts on its own accord.

I’m really scared.  Going into a relationship is undoubtedly intriguing and not forgetting exciting. However, so are the terrors. This phrase, grey area, ambiguity is the best isn’t it? There’s no commitment involved and even if I were to be committed, at the very least, when it sours, I can walk off without feeling too goddamn upset.

I think that is the very sole reason why I am refusing to give us a label. I know my actions speaks otherwise, in fact I think as the days without you by my side lengthens, I think of you more and more as my boyfriend. Oh my god. Even writing this word freaks me out; you see how we are never going to work? However, here I am, waking up at wee hours, making plans with you in December to go overseas and going over to your house for dinner. Do you know that warning bells are going ferociously in my head every single day? I think my whole happiness has gradually dependent on your texts. I smiled goofily at your texts and in the afternoon, when wifi fail us, I re-read our conversation.

I know I always dismiss what you say as either nonsense or sweet talk, but truthfully those make me happy. In fact, I’m so happy now that I’m terrified. You need to know that, nothing good comes in my life. I’m a relationship mess. I fall in love fall too easily and take too long to fall out. My personal motto now is leave before I’m being left. I don’t know how you got under my skin and now I’m actually scared you will go off because, at this moment, I am trapped. I cannot leave you now. I like you too much.

So much for emphasizing to the whole world we are being in a grey area, when I know I feel for you otherwise. I secretly hope that when I’m back in Singapore, I will be less dependent and sticky so that I can find my escape route. 

I need to.

If my best friend can do this to me, so can you, along with everyone else.

HAHAHA.

i wrote this on the plane from NYC to TW.

looking back,

now all this is just too funny.

Harris Lim, 

you better be awesome to me, if not you die.

Love,

Your Queen. 

The Secret

So, according to The Secret

the Laws of Attraction will only work
if you believe in the Laws of Attraction.


and the most important thing of all
is to keep writing stuffs and believing in it


so here goes my list.


i will find a job
i will get slimmer
i will be happily in love
i will be as awesome as i can get

OHAI GRADUATION

Yes, after 7 struggling semesters, I have completed my core, and before i touched on anything, here is a letter i wrote for myself in 2008, just before i started my torturous journey of a Mathematician student.

dear, future 2012 yiqii

how have you been?? Is uni life good for you? you are close to graduating already! ((:

at least i hope so. u have made it to this far right? 

u nv drop out halfway and banish everyone's expectatations of you right?

j
and jus to check, u are nt addicted to smokin or drugs ya? 

if you have, kill urself now. 

no pt readin anymore.

graduating cermony is approachin right? 
i hope you have found de perfect hairdo. shoes. clothes and all. 

if you haven, blame shujuan!!! 

u wanted to plan it 4 yrs ago, she said u are crazy, see wat happen now??? 

told u, that 4yrs passed by a blink la.

speakin of frens, wonder how ur close frens are doin la.

ky has graduated from psychology. 

faa from business and nitx is probably in de 3rd yr of uni!

jf is graduatin wif you. direct honors.

juan.beng are probably in uni le.maybe they are in de same school as you!! 

haha. i have no idea. huili is intendin to pursue a degree right?

celest is also studying?

 so many ppl are studyin la. haha. 

and i'm graduating. ((:

n-zire guys have all finished ns. 

wow. time REALLI flies.

and oo! i forgot to ask u, do u know ur way ard ntu already?

 i doubt so.

 and have you gt a drivin license liao??

 i seriousli hope u do. u are like 23yrs old le.

how's piano goin? smooth? 

and japanese language. u know more that simple phrases le?

well the letter's gettin draggy so i shall end here.

 realli hope u like uni life and create unforgettable memories. ((: [oh my that's so cliche]

ps: are u attached now?

pps: is the guy cute?

ppps: he better be both cute and rich!! ur dream is to becum a tai tai.

signing off,present 2008 yiqii

WOW.

I have only this emotion. I am smiling at and to myself. (if you can comphrend)

4 years have passed. or rather 3.5 years.

My usage of language is funny and anw, I'm here to answer you,



Dear past 2008 yiqii

I have graduated from NTU. Nope, I didn't banish everyone hopes and mugged on. 

The journey was tough like mad. 

I have broken down countless of times, cos i don't freaking understand.

 in fact, i can safely say, i still have no idea. 

And nope, i am not addicted to smoking or drugs, still obeys the law.

Just keep swearing more everyday. but thats okay right? 

2008 yiqii will approve. 

Its circumstances that made who i am today.

Its actually very bittersweet reading this letter as I am not as close to some of the friends now in 2011.

I am, to still a few, but i have made new friends, so it all evens out.

And yea, all of my friends went to study, but none came here

but its still okay,

cos i made other amazing people and they walked with me. <3

Yes, graduation ceremony is approaching but I'm going to the States first so it will be very rush

i doubt i will have time to prepare my hairdo and clothes

and i have a secret fear I'm going to be very fat

3 months = no joke

AND HAHAHAHA, I PASSED MY DRIVING

THANKYOUVERYMUCH

I do know my way around NTU, but if i deviate from the norm, i'm lost like a sheep.

piano& jap is all good. (:

and no, i'm not attached, i got out from a fucked-up r/s this year 

and i can safely say, after this heartbreak, and yet am still not broken,

I CAN CONQUER THE WORLD. 

All in all, these past 3.5 years have its ups and downs. 

Though the 'downs' outweighs the 'ups' by so much,

I'm thankful i made it through.
  

With loves,

                  2011 yiqii 

Clearing My Head

All my feelings, it is hard to even jot it down in words.

I promise myself that I will walk away, 

I will live well, I will find back my joy. And in these few months, I did it. 

I’m the Yiqi again, though admittedly, a little more cynical, a little more angst, and a lot less demure. 

But nevertheless, I am back.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

 I am a firm believer of this cliché phrase.

  And I think after this incident, I can face a WWE wrestler now.

 Emotionally of course.

The feelings that I have to curb and the emotions that used to flow.
The smiles and “I’m fine”.

Every single day was torturous.

 I thought, to myself, repeatedly, it is just a dream.

 And I would wake up, next morning, knowing otherwise. 

I desperately wanted an exit and finally it came. 

I fell out of love. 

Your actions, your words, they disgust me. 

They woke me up.

 You were no longer the guy I love.

 You have morphed away, replaced by someone so foul, so evil and so not worthy of my love.

Once you had fallen out of love and seen the ugly side of everything,

 The thing that taunts you, weakens you and stops you, are the good memories. 

The memories that had been so ingrained in my mind were continuously attacking me. 

Yes, the usage of the word, attack, seems so ridiculous now.

 But at that time, it was how it was. 

Everything triggered me to you, the old you, 

And my happiness dissolved so rapidly before anyone can say, “Stop thinking”.

 I distinctly remembered that I used videos, alcohol, shopping, anything

just to let me sleep peacefully, devoid of nightmares. 

And most importantly, from dreaming my ideal scene 

The old YOU realizing your mistake and coming back for me. 

The feeling, when one wakes up,

 realizes that the dream was merely an obsessed yearning was tormenting.

 In fact, the only advantage of ending a relationship was losing the extra pounds.

Then came the inevitable, the bitching, to downplay each other faults. 

The competition, to see whether one is better off than the other, 

and lastly, wanting mutual friends to be at your side. 

That was ugly and thankfully it has past too.  

Or rather, you were losing and had to put a stop to it. 

A word of advice, next time, 

if you want to bitch about someone, make sure you have the facts and brains to back up.

 Perhaps, it is my fault too, to satisfy your ego,

 I often dumb myself to let you have the upper hand. 
Reason being, I loved you.

And finally, after so long, we have to meet. 

Me.

 You.

 And of course her.

 What better way to end the evening, going to the place where you two met? 

The irony of this situation is really laughable.

To end off this depressing note, a question I often asked myself. 

Did the person I love actually did exist? 

Was everything just a facade?